i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize