I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
