Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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