I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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