I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
