i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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