Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
