btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
organizing the empties. That sober.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
