It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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