I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
