There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
