it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
