i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
