Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
