Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
