Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
