ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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