Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
