Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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