just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
