I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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