If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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