you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
