I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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