I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
