U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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