apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
