Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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