i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
