He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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