He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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