Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
