the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
