I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
