dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
