You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
