Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
