he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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