my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I love having hate sex.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
