im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
