Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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