Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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