i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
