I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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