Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
