how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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