No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
