I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
