her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
