I'm so fucking centered right now
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
