I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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