I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize