I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
