i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
