No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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