"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
