So drunk its hurt
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
