i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
