I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Sober January is a disaster.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize