Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
