I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
