The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
