So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
