So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize