Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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