I just saw a hot homeless man
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
