Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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