I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
