Define "chronic" masturbator.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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