Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
