Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
