I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
