i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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